Why does my kid behaves Badly ?

In our day to day life sometimes it is very difficult to coordinate between a child and an adult. At times, we get so irritated with child’s behavior that we want to make him an obeying child as early as possible.

Few days back, I went to my friend’s place with my kid. We were happily chatting while both the kids (mine and my friend’s kid) were playing. Suddenly my kid started crying and was insisting to get something I couldn’t handover him. I said “NO” and then he started throwing his tantrums. I was so embarrassed by his behavior and tried to divert his attention and gave him something he likes. After some efforts he was back to normal.

After spending some more time I came back to my home.

His behavior bound me to think do I need to be embarrassed by his behavior ? And then I realised –  after all he is a kid and he himself does not know what he is doing and why?

Then I asked myself – Why was he behaving like that? Is this the right time to teach him how to behave? What is the correct method of teaching?

Usually parents keep saying to their kids – “NO”, “STOP”, “DON’T DO THIS” etc. and after that when kids feel they are not allowed to do what they want to do they start crying and try to manipulate their parents until they say YES. It leads to very irritating situations every time we try to stop our kids from doing something.

May be our parents faced same situations when we were kids.

Another effect of such behaviour is that when our kids behave like this – we start thinking they are disobedient, immature and we are the reason behind it. We should try not to do this. As it’s not the kid who is disobedient, we are talking about his behaviour at a particular point of time.

We should always keep in mind that the reason behind all these activities is that they are children, who are growing physically and emotionally. They are not being naughty they are just experimenting. Their muscles are developing and they are using them, but right now their mind has not developed enough to fully comprehend what they can or can not do. And this is where we as parents can gently guide them so that as they grow they will start behaving properly and start doing what is right. As the social exposure increases, the maturity of kids will also increase and they will learn to control their impulses and emotions.

As a toddler moves from the babyhood to initial childhood the feeling of independence increase and this is the right time when their behavior should be appreciated by adults.

Read below tips on how you can help your kid in inculcating good behaviour

1. Connect with kids in their language

Kids thrive on love and attention. They love to be loved and they always want others to be happy with them. They always want to keep their parents happy and because of that they are always ready to learn new things.  We should find out the easiest way to make them understand the things, our method should be clean and direct.

We should always keep in mind that each child has its own personality, emotions, feelings, likes and dislikes.

2. Say No gently but firmly

If your child is doing something that you think is unacceptable tell him so gently but firmly. Also mention the reason why he should not do something. So that he starts understanding why you are asking him to avoid doing something.

It’s helpful to give clear direction on what he can do instead. Our directions should be positive and clear.

Saying “Don’t do things which I don’t like” is not a correct way to make him understand. He can’t understand what you don’t like.

Instead Try Saying “Mumma does not understand you when you shout like that. Shouting will not get you what you want and will harm your voice. Why don’t you use your normal voice instead and tell me what are you looking for”

 3. Set your own examples to teach them good behavior.

Humans are the most intelligent and powerful species. We can easily learn and memorize things happening around us. While teaching our kids good behavior and self-control we should keep in mind there should not be any difference in what we say and what we do. Because kids have good observation skills and they learn and grasp from the actions and behavior of adults around them.

We should use more positive words like “DO IT LIKE THIS” instead of “DON’T DO” while talking to them and should appreciate their efforts with words like “YES”, “GOOD”, “YOU CAN DO IT”.

4. Do not shout at them when they are not listening

Have you ever though what message you are giving to your kids when you shout at them when they are disobeying you. You are telling them that its OK to shout when things are not going your way.

If we want our kids to behave properly we should behave properly in front of them.

Always Remember  – A little patience can make all the difference between wanting to be good parents and actually being one. Whenever we are about to lose patience with our kids, we should just pause and remember our own childhood.

If we give respect to them, understand their needs, handle them calmly, will be gentle with them they will also understand us. Our good or bad language, our bad attitude towards them will lead them to behave in same manner. Thus, we should not lose our temper or yell at them. In that way we are only showing the kind of behavior we want to discourage in our kids.

5. Learn to say Sorry

If we want our kids to accept their mistake, first we should learn to apologize. Lead by example. Remember, we are their role model.

Their good behavior should be appreciated by us and sometimes can be awarded as well.

6. Do not teach them by inculcating fear

Many a times I have heard parents saying to their kids – “Do this or else cat\police\monkey .. will come”

If we want our kids to do something we should not use fear to make them do so. It may lead to phobias later in life. Love, not fear should be the key for a healthy development of kids.

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You may also want to read Bringing up ‘Gen i’

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